Thoughts (rewrite)
by SilverHunter
Summary: We all have deeper thoughts inside of us, sad thoughts, desperate thoughts. Even those that you never would have imagined. Luffy being sad and cute.


Hello everyone. I am sorry but I am having some troubles at writing my other stories right now so I have decided to take this change and rewrite some of the earlier ones, like this little one shot I did years back. I wrote this when I watched One Piece Movie 6 ending the second time. In this story Luffy is thinking about that time when his friends where eaten by Lili, while they are having a dinner couple of weeks later from that. I liked that movie really much and I think that maybe I should watch it again sometime.

Summary: We all have deeper thoughts inside of us, sad thoughts, desperate thoughts. Even those that you never would have imagined.

This story contains: Friendship, angst and character's acting little OC.

I do not own One piece or it's character's or anything related to it! I make no money out of this.

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 **THOUGHTS**

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No matter how much I try, no matter how much I want to forget, it won't stop. I can't help it. After that island, I keep seeing them, disappearing before my eyes. Every night after that, I hear them calling out to me. I hear their whispers, like a ghost in my dreams.

 _"Luffy… Luffy…"_

That's all they say but it's enough. I don't cry because of silly little things, like those spoiled babies what we see in those cities where we go. I don't cry when all the hope seems to be lost, I don't cry when I get hurt but I do cry when something happens to them. My friends mean everything to me. They are my family, my world. I think that they know it but I am not sure if they truly understand it. Not even Zoro…

It's hard to say, who I would want to rescue first if I would have to but I know that Zoro is the one who I would miss the most.

He is always there for me, more than the others, and I feel that he understand me better than anyone else. He doesn't shout at me as much as they do and even if he is quiet, he is not someone who would bush you away. It is actually the opposite. He is the one that is always there when I need him, supporting me in his silent way and waiting for me to speak, if I want to that is. I am really grateful that I have met him. I am grateful that I have met them all.

I know that I am that kind of a guy, who is not the easiest friends to be with but they know that they are also, in some way or somehow, difficult to be with too. We all have our own flaws.

I always just want to smile while I am with them, laugh with them and travel with them. I want to hug them and tell them how important they are to me but lately something inside me has been telling me that I shouldn't do that. I have always trusted that inner me and I have always done what it has been telling me to do. It's hard to explain but I just can't go against it, I have a feeling that something really bad would happen if I did. It is strange thought. It has never told me things like this before, bad things… Sad things…

"Luffy don't eat my food!"

I just laughed. I could feel Sanji's eyes on my back when Chopper tried to take his food back, like I really would soon eat it. Usually I would but not today. Not after that nightmare what I saw again when I was sleeping on the deck.

"Luffy give Chopper back his food!"

"But it looks so…" I started but didn't get the chance to say my sentence fully when Nami already hit me.

"Stop being so childish!"

It started again. Why does she always have to yell at me, because I am little playful? I rubbed my head and smiled when Chopper took his plate back, clearly relieved. When he noticed that I was still looking at him, he quickly hid the plate behind his back and shot me an annoyed look. Like that was gonna last. All I needed to do was smile a little wider and I could see his lips twisting a little before he sat down again in his seat. I saw Zoro and Robin smiling also and it made my spirit go higher.

"I want more meat Sanji!"

"You already ate enough." I already know Sanji's answer beforehand but I still whined and puffed my cheeks. I can't help it that I have a pig appetite.

"I am full already so you can have rest of my meal, Luffy." Robin said kindly and I could only thank her as I took her plate, eating the rest of her still half full dinner same time as she laughed. It was only a little, quiet laugh but still it was so cute that it always warmed my heart. I understand why Sanji is always around her, just like now. It isn't only Robin's laugh that affects me that way thought, they all do.

"I won't ever understand how you can eat so much." Zoro said, that small smile still on his lips as he turned to look at me in that way that always makes me feel special

"You don't have to Zoro!" I laughed. "Because I don't understand either!"

With that comment, everyone laughed. If I could, I would listen at their laugh for the rest of my life. Day after day, trying my best to make them forget all the hardship we have encountered, forget all the bad things that have happened. But somehow I know, that someday, I am not going to be with them. It's scary, really scary, and I don't want it but still I just can't help it. I know that I am going to die before them and maybe even sooner than I think... I know that it sounds really unrealistic and I can't explain it but… I don't…

"Luffy? Luffy, are you listening us at all?!"

It was like a slap in the face. Shit. I quickly turned my eyes to watch at Nami and them the others, quickly turning my lips back into smile. When had I stopped smiling?

"Sorry. What is it Nami?" Had they noticed?

"Luffy, what were you thinking? You didn't hear anything what we said to you." I could hear confusion in Usopp's voice as he spoke, looking at me like I would have done something really strange. In a way, I had.

I could sense everyone's curiosity and even see it in their eyes. I usually don't think much when I am with them so in their eyes, this is unusual behavior coming from me.

"Nothing."

Everyone looked at me more suspiciously and even if I wanted to turn away I didn't, I just smiled even wider. This was actually making me quit nervous.

"Luffy… Is something wrong?" Usopp asked and came to sit close to me. I only looked his eyes for a second and I regretted it already. I didn't even realize that my smile had disappeared once again. If I would have noticed it, then I would have also realized why everyone were looking at me differently, leaning closer but seeming like they were afraid to touch me. Usually I liked their attention but now…

"Luffy…" Robin whispered. There was no mistake, I could clearly hear worry in her voice and that was something I never wanted to hear. They are not supposed to worry because of me, they should only laugh and smile. Smile…

It was then that I realized what was wrong, I wasn't smiling. I have to fix that, quickly, it can't be that hard. I have done it so many times before, it has never been a problem for me before, then why is it that now suddenly I don't feel like it? Don't be ridiculous! Smile, just smile.

And I did, but I knew right away that it would have probably actually been better if I wouldn't have. You see, this time, my smile seemed to lack its usual happiness. This time my smile turned out to be, sad one.

It was then that Zoro rose up from his seat, breaking his eyes away from my face and in the eyes of an outsider, casually just walked right next to me. In truth there was nothing casual with it. While his body language was still relaxed, the way he moved told me that he was fully alarmed. He knew.

I didn't move when others came closer also but I did move when Zoro put his hand on my shoulder. His touch was so gentle, so comforting, that before I knew it I turned my eyes to look at his. I instantly regretted it.

It is a common knowledge that Zoro likes to keep his own distance, his own space, both from the crew and the world itself. That doesn't mean he is cold, you see, he actually has a big heart. He cares about everyone around him, protects them and looks after them, even when he pretends to be asleep. I think that it's because he is not comfortable with showing his emotions openly, I don't blame him for that thought, it is his way of protecting himself. Now thought, it was different. Now when he sat there, his warm hand resting on my shoulder, and watched me straight into my eyes I could see it.

It seemed like, just this once, Zoro was not afraid to let me see the emotions he usually kept bottled up inside and truth to be told, it was actually almost too much. It felt like he was much closer to me than he truly was, especially his eyes. Were they usually so bright?

It was almost like Zoro was begging me to tell him what I was really thinking. Silly isn't it, Zoro never begs.

"For once, Luffy, don't try to stand alone with all your burden…"

I laughed a little, I had to or otherwise those eyes would have soon bend me to their will. That laugh thought, didn't come out like it normally did. It was not a laugh they were used to hear. It was much more quieter, gentler and somehow it sounded almost hollow even in my own ears.

How a sound like that came out from my mouth surprised even me. This was not what I wanted, this was not how things should have gone tonight. We should have eaten, fought a little over the delicious dessert Sanji made again and then play some games before going to bed. Now, because of me, no one was laughing. No one was eating and when I finally was able to turn my eyes away from Zoro's, I noticed that no one was smiling.

I had to stop this.

I know what I have to do, what I have to say, and I do not need to force myself to smile for that. Because, no matter what happens, no one can break the bond that we have.

That thought in my mind I allowed the joy that they all bring, carry on in my voice. Filling it with the warmth that I feel when I am with them, warmth that is just as gentle and strong as the hand that is still resting on my shoulder.

"I am not alone."

We have experienced so much together, good things and bad things. Now isn't time to let the shadows appear, they don't need to see them. Not as long as I can have even the smallest saying in the matter.

For them I will smile, for them I will laugh. Because of them I will fight, with them and for them. Why? Because, in the end, everything will be alright as long as…

"I have you guys."

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I hope you liked it. I am considering about writing another chapter or two for this. It would focus on Zoro and Luffy and would contain boy x boy love, maybe lemon? I am not sure. It would probably go even deeper into Luffy's mind and in his trauma, bringing out a new side of him, or then maybe I could go into Zoro's mind and see how he sees Luffy. This is how I imagine Luffy would be if he became depressed.

Please, tell me if you want to see more.

PS. I have left the original one shot in my profile for now so if any of you want, you can check it out and tell me if this one is better or worse.

I hope you all have a nice day!

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